I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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