He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
