she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
