So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
