I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
