I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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