Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
