I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
