I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
