my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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