imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
