He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
