I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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