so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
