were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
