Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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