I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
high people should be assigned attendants
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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