Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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