Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
