Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
