Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sarcasm needs its own font
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize