we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
