Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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