When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
