Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
