glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
