Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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