that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
