Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
smell my finger.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize