I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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