I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
foreskin is a definite game changer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
