dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
