Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
