No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
