My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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