I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
