ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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