i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
