I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dicks are not precious.
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