New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
