Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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