White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
