My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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