Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
