I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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