FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
