you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
