420 ftw
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
