I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
