I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
