My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
