So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
