Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Who died my cat blue again?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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