my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
