I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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