he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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