Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
