so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
