Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She said her name was "party"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
